Premier League’s worst Christmas gifts 2016


It’s the most wonderful time of the year. A time when football fans everywhere can look forward to Christmas presents bought for them by friends and family who know how dearly they love their club.

Some gifts are OK, most are bad, and many are truly awful. We’ve been through every top-flight club’s online shop to find the worst offenders.

Last year, West Brom took the crown with £4.49 clothes pegs.

This year, to save you from tears and add a bit of suspense, we’ve ranked the gifts from least worst to most terrible.

Remember, folks, it’s the thought that counts.

Premier League’s worst Christmas Gifts 2016

20: Watford snowman plush toy – £10

screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-21-17-11Watford’s Christmas offering is pretty respectable this year, hence them finishing bottom of the pile.

This slightly sinister snowman is about as bad as it gets. Sure to melt the hearts / terrify the life out of any young Hornets fan.

19: Leicester City bleacher creature – £18

screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-22-11-31It’s not clear what this is or what it’s for. It looks like a bit like Santa but he appears to be in a lot of pain.

Maybe he’s been hit by one of Jamie Vardy’s erratic shots that went into row Z of the “bleachers”.

18: West Ham United junior multi Christmas sweatshirt – £22

screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-21-29-22Just in case you know a young Hammer who hasn’t suffered enough already this season, this gift can help pile on the misery.

We’re assuming the chaotic pattern is inspired by is designed by the same team responsible for running things at the new stadium.

17: Swansea City ladies’ perfume – £15

screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-21-05-39Bob Bradley’s team might be bottom of the actual Premier League table, but this will surely be top of every Swansea City fans’ wish list.

Now that special City fan in your life can smell their best with this luxury eau de toilette. (Product not tested on Swans).

16: Southampton advent calendar – £4

screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-19-54-11Give the Southampton you care about this Saints-branded advent calendar.

Of course, it’ll be out of date by the time you hand it over, but he or she will be able to scoff all the chocolates or, in keeping with the spirit of the club, sell it for an inflated price before producing an even better advent calendar from the academy.

15: Manchester City Champions League trolley coin keyring – £4

screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-22-22-05City might not be short of cash, but sometimes their fans need a little help.

This will come in very useful if you’re ever in a rush at Aldi and you don’t have a spare quid for the trolley.

It’s got the Champions League branding on, so you might have to throw it away after the round of 16.

14: Manchester United Christmas jumper – £30

screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-19-43-56For a club that has licensed pretty much every particle of matter in the universe, there’s a disappointing lack of tat in the United shop.

The best/worst we could find is this pretty harmless Christmas jumper.

13: Middlesbrough gents’ luxury gift set – £15

screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-19-48-01Capture the festive fragrances of Teesside with this collection of body lotion, hair and body wash and aftershave.

Apparently Jordan Rhodes splashes some of this on after every match, once he’s had a shower that he barley needs as he’s spent most of the afternoon sitting down.

12: Burnley rubber duck – £6

screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-21-48-55Burnley are still getting to grips with this whole Premier League lark, so don’t have a Christmas section of their online club shop.

They do, however, sell this fetching bath-time buddy, which you’d be quackers not to consider. (Not even sorry).

11: Everton Christmas tree – £14

screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-22-06-07It’s, er, an Everton Christmas tree. It comes with eight baubles and beads. Nothing says “Christmas” quite like some beads.

10: Crystal Palace Crystals official 2017 calendar – £8.99

screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-21-58-24This calendar lets fans enjoy the Eagles’ troupe of cheerleaders from the comfort of your their own home. Not sure this is a smart move by the club, as the Crystals are most fans’ main reason for going to Selhurst Park.

The calendar takes in all of 2017, allowing supporters to note next season’s Championship fixtures.

9: Tottenham Hotspur reindeer socks – £8

screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-21-10-13The product description say these bad boys “keep your  feet warm and comfortable in the wintry conditions”.

Perfect for those Thursday night Europa League games, then.

8: Chelsea oven gloves – £10

screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-21-54-15There’s nothing too remarkable about these Chelsea oven gloves – except for the fact they appear in the ‘gifts for her’ section of the club website and don’t seem to feature in ‘gifts for him’.

Never mind going to the Bridge over Christmas, love. Get the roast on.

7: Stoke City Lichfield ladies’ scarf – £15

screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-19-58-21One for the ladies to show off down the Bet365 this autumn / winter. Well, it would be if it didn’t look like Marko had thrown up all over it.

If you saw Delilah wearing this, you’d have to ask why, why, why?

6: Arsenal lanyard – £3

screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-21-43-25There’s quite a lot to choose from at Arsenal Direct. It was tempting to go with the Arsene Wenger cashmere scarf, purely because it costs £100, but we couldn’t resist the lanyard.

Perfect, apparently, for Arsenal fans to show off whatever they need to display around their neck. A “Wenger Out” banner at the end of a trophyless season, perhaps?

5: Hull City elf Christmas jumper – £21.99

screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-22-08-12The Tigers’ owners are so unpopular with some fans, they can’t even go to matches.

But, surely, if they rocked up on Boxing Day wearing this, all would be forgiven?

4: Bournemouth anti-slip dashboard pad – £3.50

screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-21-38-00This, apparently, will make a great stocking filler. It sits on your dashboard and can hold “a range of items, from mobile phones to loose change”.

It won’t, however, prevent Eddie Howe’s team from letting a lead slip.

3: Liverpool selfie stick – £10

screen-shot-2016-11-22-at-22-16-21Now it doesn’t matter if you ever walk alone, because you can still get a picture of yourself with this handy selfie stick.

Minimal effort has been made to push this for Christmas – they could have at least called it an “elfie stick”. Come on!

2: West Bromwich Albion Santa hat with beard – £2.99

screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-21-22-00Defending champions West Brom have come up just short this year, but it’s a tremendous effort.

We’re not too sure if any elf-respecting Baggies fan would want to be seen wearing this Santa hat with beard.

Luckily, even Adrian Chiles would struggle to be recognised at the Hawthorns sporting this number.

1: Sunderland toothbrushes (twin pack) – £2.49

screen-shot-2016-11-23-at-20-55-12Ask Santa to help keep the Tooth Fairy at bay with these fetching toothbrushes.

The twin pack is included the club’s three-for-two offer, so if you really wanted to stock up, you could end up with more toothbrushes than David Moyes has won matches since leaving Everton.

Congratulations to Sunderland on finishing top of the tree. But remember Black Cats, nothing’s won at Christmas. And, if you do go down, at least you’ll have fresh-smelling breath.


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