When you think about it, Premier League football clubs are a lot like intergalactic vehicles.
No, they are. Hear us out. They’re expensive to assemble, diverse in their infrastructure and incredibly difficult to maintain.
See? Told you.
So, with all this in mind, we’ve put together this handy list for the millions of fans out there who, a long time ago, began thinking “if my beloved football club was a Star Wars vehicle, which it would be?”.
Arsenal – Imperial TIE Fighter
A classic within the galaxy. Lovely looks with awesome speed. Wins plenty of battles but hasn’t won a war in a long time.
Aston Villa – Sandcrawler
Still a big presence but has seen better days. Increasingly difficult to turn around.
Bournemouth – X-Wing
Has won many admirers with its aesthetics and ability to launch rapid counter-attacks. Vulnerable to sinking, though.
Chelsea – MTT
Big, bad and goes through droids without a second’s thought for their careers. In fact, it’s been known to use the same droids more than once. Slow to start but formidable when it builds momentum.
Crystal Palace – Kylo Ren’s Command Shuttle
The feature that sets this vehicle apart is the wings. They’re able to get the better of many opponents. The bloke in the driving seat is quite handsome, too, in a weird sort of way.
Everton – Mandalorian Speeder
Blue and smooth. Feels like it should be better, though.
Leicester City – AT-AT
Unexpectedly majestic, trampling over all before it. Until the cold weather arrives and then it starts to struggle.
Liverpool – Millennium Falcon
Still massively popular across the universe. The hairy creature in the cockpit is doing his best to breathe new life into this old freighter but, just recently, it’s looking very tired.
Manchester City – Death Star II
Assembled at huge expense and still very much a work in progress. Still vulnerable to attacks from smaller vessels. The boss has a wrinkly face.
Manchester United – Super Star Destroyer
One of the biggest ship in the galaxy but very laborious. As the name suggests, it’s destroyed some pretty big super stars. Just ask Angel Di Maria.
Newcastle United – Jabba’s Sail Barge
The chubby owner bought this presumably as a bit of a laugh. Hard to see what function it has and looks destined to slide into a massive hole.
Norwich City – Rey’s Speeder
Modest, charming and effective. Driven by an admirable female who knows her food.
Southampton – Imperial Shuttle
Well-built and another vehicle that’s easy on the eye. Commonly used to transport characters to bigger vessels.
Stoke City – Jedi Interceptor
This one’s full of surprises and has a loveable little character who helps with precision attacks. Not to be confused with older models, which decimated rivals simply by flying into them.
Sunderland – Gungan Sub
Good at going down. It’s got a blunt instrument at the front.
Swansea City – Luke’s Skyhopper
A tendency to change shape. Not clear where it will land.
Tottenham Hotspur – Snowspeeder
This sleek, white speeder looks like it has the potential to upset the establishment. Well equipped for the winter.
Watford – Luke’s Landspeeder
No one has any idea how it stays afloat. It could be Vaseline.
West Bromwich Albion – Defender-Class Cruiser
Defence is very much the emphasis with this vehicle. Notice the use of four central defensive shield generators, where most vessels have two.
West Ham United – Slave 1
It’s not clear how this vessel flies but, somehow, it does. It sweeps through the galaxy looking to freeze opponents in carbonite.
All pictures courtesy of Lego.
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